Inner Work with Steli Efti

I’ve been spending the last few weeks of summer at the beach in Halkidiki and have made a daily ritual of swimming in the ocean each morning. While the water here is typically known to be gentle and serene, it recently has been much more turbulent and unsettled. I’ve had to adjust my swimming technique to navigate the rocky waves and trust in my body to adapt to the tumultuous conditions.  This experience reminded me of a lesson that is true of many things in life - the journey is more enjoyable when you can freely flow with the waves that come your way. Diving into this thought more and some of the philosophical musings I’ve been pondering from my time at the beach. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep164 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

We won't find truth outside of us. There's no system, no organized set of teachings, no framework of thinking that will lead us to truth. Ultimately, the only place where we find truth is within ourselves. Reading passages from Jiddu Krishnamurti's Total Freedom reminded me once again of this big adventure that awaits each of us: to seek within ourselves. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep163 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I’ve been having so many intense, vivid dreams lately - so intense that I feel tired and unsettled even after waking up. I knew these dreams were trying to tell me something about myself that I couldn’t see with open eyes during the day, but I didn’t feel like analyzing them or dealing with them in the moment. But one of the dreams that I couldn’t shake is a very common dream that many people experience, but one that is pretty unusual for me - dreaming that my teeth are falling out. In this episode I do some live dreamwork to decode and dissect the underlying message this dream was trying to reveal to me.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep162 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I’ve been reading Demons by Dostoyevsky and there are two small anecdotes from the book that immediately resonated with me—two topics that many of us as humans deal with throughout our lives. The first is the impulsive act of judging others too quickly and the arrogance we must overcome to give one another a fair chance. The second is the lost ability of being able to laugh from the heart. So often in life we wear masks to protect our own self-image and gain approval from others, but at a detrimental cost to our true inner selves. Talking more in this episode about the profound wisdom and depth I discovered from these passages and how I’ve seen these topics reflected in my own life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep161 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Today I want to share with you one of my favorite books of all time, The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. I loved the experience of reading this book so deeply that I already can’t wait to read it again. It does a wonderful job of portraying many major life themes in a profoundly delightful way. I found so much beauty and wisdom contained within each page that it has stuck with me for days, and even weeks, after reading it. If there’s one book you read in your entire life, let it be this one. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep160 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Rather than feeling present and peaceful, I felt fragmented and frustrated in recent weeks. My nights were filled with uneasy sleep and weird dreams. And in the course of the days, I struggled with confounding urges: When I worked, I wanted to take a break. When I took a break, my mind kept thinking about work. And the same was true for other areas of life: For much of my day, I was doing one thing, while some part of me felt compelled to do something else. And just recently was I able to make sense of all this. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep159 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I recently finished listening through about a hundred mini recordings from my week in total darkness, which was a very intense experience to relive. While reflecting on my dark retreat and the time since then, I’ve realized it’s been a very challenging and intense 3 months for me post-darkness. I also didn’t anticipate how different coming out of this experience would be compared to other types of retreats I’ve done. I’ve been in such a sprint for the last 3 months that I’m still digesting many of the insights and lessons I uncovered while in darkness, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me close to a year to truly internalize this experience.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep158 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

This topic is something we’ve touched on previously but it’s a theme that keeps popping up for me. It’s the notion of “you are not above this”. I keep finding myself in situations where a thought or feeling arises that I’m not comfortable with and my first instinct is to reject it. I think to myself, I’m above this, I’ve evolved beyond this feeling or action.  It’s human nature to reject the parts of ourselves we aren’t comfortable with. But this only further distorts our own self image. We have to acknowledge that if we’re having this feeling, then it’s our current truth and we have to claim it as our own. It may not be who we strive to be, but it’s still a part of who we are whether we like it or not. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep157 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

We all know life is full of ups and downs, yet it’s so easy for us to get frustrated and torture ourselves when the pendulum of life suddenly swings from blissed out harmony to chaos and struggle. We must remember that life is a wheel that keeps spinning. These moments and feelings, both good and bad, aren’t constant. The sooner we can fully understand and internalize this, the easier it gets to just ride the waves and enjoy the journey. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep156 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Great joy overcame me one day before the end of my dark retreat: I was about to go back into the world. Tomorrow I would see my children, embrace them, give them all my love, and receive theirs. An almost ecstatic bliss enveloped me, and I wanted to cherish this state as much as possible. But then another realization dawned on me: blissing out on anticipation would cost me everything the present moment would have to offer, all the lessons that were still waiting for me in the dark. This episode is a short audio diary I recorded during my dark retreat in March of 2022.   Check out my weekly newsletter: https://steli.substack.com/   Connect with me: https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

There’s a quote by Byron Katie that’s been stuck in my mind. It reads, “Don’t be spiritual, be honest instead. It’s very painful to pretend yourself beyond your true evolution.” I love it because it ties back to this inner work journey I’ve been on of going deeper within my own psyche and emotions and learning to be fully present and in the moment. I haven’t fully internalized many of the moments of clarity that I’ve had throughout my journey yet. Sometimes I will pretend myself beyond my true evolution, because often times the truth is not that pretty. We stumble around truth and pretend to be spiritual when in reality, simply being honest is the highest level of expression of spirituality.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep154 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I recently came back to a book I read many years ago called Loving What Is by Byron Katie. She has a really great self-inquiry method called The Work that I’ve been putting into practice daily for the last couple of weeks. It’s a very simple 4-question framework that is so practical and pragmatic that anyone can do it. In this episode I’m breaking down this method, the inner truths I've learned about myself and the lasting positive impacts it’s had on me in just the last 2 weeks.    Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep153 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I've been pondering a quote lately from my favorite Dostoevsky book, The Brothers Karamazov, which reads, "we ought to treat everyone like little children, and most importantly ourselves." It got me thinking about the way we are with our children - how loving, patient, lighthearted and encouraging we are when we're parenting these tiny little humans. Why can't we be this way with everyone in our lives, especially ourselves? How incredible would the world be if we could remember to treat one another with this same level of tenderness and also extend this grace inwardly to ourselves? Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep152 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

When I was 18 all I wanted to be was successful, which at that time to me just meant rich. I pictured myself with the fancy car, expensive apartment and crushing it as a business man like Gordon Gecko in Wolf on Wall Street. But something I’ve been reflecting on lately is how glad I am that plans I had for my life when I was younger didn’t work out. My life now is tremendously richer in many more ways than I ever could have imagined at 18. When things don’t go according to plan it’s usually for a reason we aren’t quite capable of understanding yet. It’s important to maintain a level of humbleness and grace (and a little bit of humor doesn’t hurt either). I’ve learned that getting upset won’t change what’s happening in the moment. And maybe sometimes things don’t go according to plan so that better things can fall into place.    Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep151 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Ever wake up and think of all the things you gotta do, and it just destroys you? I can't tell you how many times I woke up feeling miserable because of everything I'd have to tackle on that day. In my younger years, it would actually make me cancel everything and fall into a depression. Later I learned to willpower my way through my responsibilities, no matter how I felt about it, and that was a great step forward. But if you do that for too long, it eventually eats up your soul. You become very good at what you're doing, but you're also disconnecting from yourself. When the first thing you do every day is suppressing your feelings about what you will do today, you lose touch with yourself, and the longer you do this, the higher the price you eventually pay for it. Today, I tried something different. A very simple tweak that made a huge difference—I'll talk about that in today's episode. Check out my substack: https://steli.substack.com/   Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep150 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth", wrote Dostoyevsky. And the longer I live, the more I realize this to be accurate. So many of life's problems boil down to struggles with truth. It's not just the lies we tell others: It's mostly the lies we tell ourselves, the truths we'd rather avert our eyes from. In short, it's the lies that we don't recognize as such, that often trip us up in life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep149 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

How often in life are we hurrying from one task to another on any given day? Or rushing hastily to reach the next big milestone ahead of us? I've been pondering this recently and had the realization that when we are in a hurry to do something, it's usually because there is an underlying fear of never getting there. We must remember that it's only by remaining present that we can take the necessary steps, at the right pace, to reach our end goal. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep148 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I've experienced love in so many new ways over the past year, have deepened and widened my relationship with and understanding of love so much—I was almost tempted to call this episode "The Power of Love", like a cheesy pop song. In this episode, I share some of these experiences, and how they moved me in sometimes unforeseen ways. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep147 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Spending a week in complete darkness would be an intense experience. That I knew. What I didn’t anticipate was how intense it would be to come out of the darkness. In fact, re-entering normal life was an even wilder adventure than the dark retreat itself, and it profoundly changed the way I view the world.  In this episode, I share how coming back into the world of light has altered my understanding of myself and others, how we relate to our environment, and how we deal with the incessant ferocity of daily life.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep146 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Darkness has illuminated my inner world. With nothing to see outside of me, I began to see things clear within: fears I didn’t know I grappled with. My complicated relationship with love. Mysterious light visions. While I shared the physical aspects of my dark retreat experience in episode 144, in this episode I focus on the emotional and psychological aspects.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep145 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/