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The New Ark
The New Ark
Elliot Connor & Joe Wilkins

Fun fact: the Earth's about to explode. So we've launched The New Ark podcast to pick which animals to save, sailing through... more

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Episodes

Flothrowy

In this season finale: a special guest, flies as pets, a productivity hack with hanging anvils and how to catch... more

11 Jun 2023 · 57 minutes
Camels

This episode: the new ark does drinking games, Joe shares wisdoms on pee consistency and Elliot readies arson charges. Also:... more

02 Jun 2023 · 40 minutes
Leeches

This week on Ark the musical, we invent leech porn. What a climax. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more... more

26 May 2023 · 34 minutes
Crows

This episode: anti-rabbit lighthouses, why you might marry a dead person, and how crows are really the McDonalds mafia. Joe... more

19 May 2023 · 43 minutes
Crabs

In this episode: Joe gets burgled and Elliot names an STD after himself for SEO. Also: how many legs can... more

12 May 2023 · 44 minutes
Ducks

The show that will get Elliot cancelled. The darkest ep. to date. Where Joe admits the animal he's defending is... more

05 May 2023 · 31 minutes
Flies

Introducing the all new ark spin-off show, Films We Haven't Watched. Talking about movies we couldn't be arsed to see.... more

28 Apr 2023 · 43 minutes
Tigers

This week, Joe's being haunted and Elliot's high as a kite. But it's Tony the trouser-ripping tiger in the spotlight.... more

21 Apr 2023 · 49 minutes
Owls

Joe thinks owls are dead boring. Elliot spent a month in France saving their asses. But whoever said fight for... more

14 Apr 2023 · 50 minutes
Moths

They're the mortal enemy of sharks, bees, elephants, Godzilla and Elliot. But special guest Leanna's determined to get them a... more

07 Apr 2023 · 55 minutes
Jellyfish

They don't have eyes, ears, noses, brains, hearts or anuses. What do they have? A Welshman who self-identifies as a... more

31 Mar 2023 · 37 minutes
Sloths

In this 10-year-old's wet dream of an episode, we talk about poo smells, sex screams and sliding down poles. You... more

24 Mar 2023 · 37 minutes
Snails

Snails. They're like slugs with houses. Or seahorses after 15 minutes in the blender. Or sloths if you're Joe. So... more

17 Mar 2023 · 43 minutes
Tardigrades

This episode: tardigrades, the tiny little indestructible micro-bears with eight legs and a vacuum cleaner bag body. Why tardigrades? You... more

10 Mar 2023 · 35 minutes
Sharks

You asked, we answered! Rattling off your audience requests to kick off TNA series 2, we're taking sharks to town.... more

03 Mar 2023 · 42 minutes
Rhinos

Earth hasn't exploded (yet) so we're back! Well... Elliot is. Saf got eaten by fungi and in his place it's... more

24 Feb 2023 · 54 minutes
Frofunsnak

The royal rumble rematch: closing out The New Ark series 1 in style with a three-way showdown between frogs, snakes... more

07 Jun 2022 · 54 minutes
Jaguars

Is Black Panther any good? What the f*** is a panther anyways? In the series' penultimate episode, we take a... more

31 May 2022 · 47 minutes
Meerkats

Saf's chance to take his revenge on cats being left for the coming apocalypse. Elliot's chance to rant about annoying... more

24 May 2022 · 41 minutes
Earthworms

This episode, Darwin and God team up to help worms worm their way on board. Elliot resorts to Star Wars'... more

17 May 2022 · 53 minutes
Chameleons

This episode: a starfish of chameleons in an aquarium. Also Saf misspells chameleon. Elliot plays the race card and reveals... more

10 May 2022 · 51 minutes
Bears

So they killed 26 little children in the Bible, but never mind- bears are great, right? Then again, how did... more

03 May 2022 · 51 minutes
Bees

In this un-bee-lievably bee-eautiful episode, the honey-tongued Saf defends bees against Elliot's lambasts. Inventors of democracy or imperialist autocracy? Hive... more

26 Apr 2022 · 57 minutes
Wolves

How do you catch a wolf with one hand down its throat? Listen in to find out. Fairy tale villains... more

19 Apr 2022 · 51 minutes
Fungi

Saf's been eaten by fungi and now they're here to claim their mouldy old spot on the ark. They're not... more

12 Apr 2022 · 42 minutes
Bats

They rhyme with cats, which is always a bad omen, but will bats make it on the ark? Only time... more

05 Apr 2022 · 51 minutes
Raccoons

Raccoons are obese good-for-nothing big black-and-white rats. Or are they? In this marvellous episode, Elliot fails abysmally to find a... more

29 Mar 2022 · 58 minutes
Anglerfish

Anglerfish: dope or deep sea shit? Rapists or celibate saints? Slave drivers or shining beacons of hope? In the first... more

22 Mar 2022 · 53 minutes
Girpigeodile

Welcome to the inaugural Royal Rumble. Up for debate this week: not one but three animals which you the audience... more

15 Mar 2022 · 42 minutes
Snakes

Thisssss week: it'sssss dessseption and ssssnake oil for our sssssslithering animal guesssssst. Prepare for ssssssibilance galore as Elliot revels in... more

08 Mar 2022 · 1 hour,
The New Ark
Fungi
The New Ark
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Description

Saf's been eaten by fungi and now they're here to claim their mouldy old spot on the ark. They're not even animals... more