40 episodes

Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast.  You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories in therapy sessions recorded live. 

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast Leslie Cohen-Rubury

    • Kids & Family
    • 5.0 • 43 Ratings

Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast.  You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories in therapy sessions recorded live. 

    Molly & Alastair Part 1 of 3: When your Kids Need Different Kinds of Support

    Molly & Alastair Part 1 of 3: When your Kids Need Different Kinds of Support

    This is part one of the three part series with Molly and Alastair. These parents have 2 children who are very different. Elizabeth is 8 years old and is an easy going kid. Katherine is a high energy 4 year old with intense emotions and more challenging behaviors. While the parents originally reached out to Leslie for help with their youngest, this episode ended up focusing a little more on their eldest. How exactly can a parent make sure they’re still there for a child when they don’t need literal support? Turns out children may not need the same level of support but they do need the same level of connection. Leslie also discusses sibling dynamics, the myth of the “oldest sibling,” mom guilt, and more. 





    Time Stamps


    8:30 Birth order traits - the oldest daughter who feels responsible for the younger sibling8:44 Pet peeve when parents say “YOU are the big sister” Or “you should act like the big sister”Tuning into our children - leads to strong attachments Observing our children help children feel like their parents see them and understand them12:55 Name the dilemmas - you want to take care of your sister AND you want to play with your own friends15:11 Metaphor of needing to go shopping, but prioritizing which store you can make it to today vs next shopping trip (drugstore, shoe store and grocery store)15:48 There is a difference between what’s important to you and what’s the priority of the moment22:07 She may not need the same level of support, but she does need the same level of connection.  25:22 The child coming from a secure, safe and validating environment is more prepared to cope with life challenges28:10 Mom’s narrative - I was the capable one29:00 How to reassure and support Elizabeth (the “easy” child)Create a tool box:29:33 Notice and name her behavior29:47 Get rid of narrative of “you are the older sister or the big sister”30:45 Validate the hard parts35:00 If I had a magic wand31:36 What happens when the parent grew up with a sibling with disabilities33:36 Save the stories of your childhood when its not in the moment of emotional upset36:01 The metaphor of instruments in an orchestra - treating each musical instrument differently38:21 Whose problem is it?39:24 Myth - it's not ok for others to be upset with me. (mom still struggles with this)

    Resources:  


    Newsletter on myths that may be guiding your parenting that you may want to question, titled " Have you Outgrown your Childhood Beliefs?Video on how to deal with conflicting needs or wants using a metaphor of which store you choose to go toVideo: Orchestra Metaphor on how need to treat each instrument differently and with respect



    Leslie-ism: Remember to use “if I had a magic wand” 





    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.


    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, 

    • 46 min
    Special Guest Jamilah Lemieux: Deciding to Take your Kid to Therapy

    Special Guest Jamilah Lemieux: Deciding to Take your Kid to Therapy

    Today’s bonus episode is with special guest Jamilah Lemieux, and it’s all about therapy. Leslie and Jamilah discuss things like figuring out when to take your child to therapy, how to find therapists for all needs, how to talk to your kids about taking them to therapy, and more  If you’re curious about therapy, for yourself or your kids or both, be sure to check out our resources. With some help, anyone can begin the journey to a better self.
    About the guests: Jamilah Lemieux is an American writer, cultural critic, and editor. She rose to prominence for her blog, The Beautiful Struggler. She has worked for Ebony, Cassius Magazine, and Interactive One, part of Radio One, Inc. Lemieux currently writes a parenting column and co-hosts for Slate's Care and Feeding Podcast formerly known as Mom & Dad Are Fighting.



    Resources:
    Resources for finding therapyJed Foundation’s How to find  a culturally competent therapist which provides many resources for finding a therapist of colorTherapy for Black GirlsPsychology Today is a nationwide directory for therapists that can be sorted by location, insurance, specialty, and more.What Good is Therapy:  An article about the balance of insight and change as goals for therapyWhat kind of therapy do I need? A general review of the types of therapy, the types of therapists and other questionsA Glossary of Therapy Approaches and Modalities A very extensive list of the types of therapy modalities.Five Tips to Discuss Therapy with Their Child Handout by Andrea DornListen to Leslie’s guest appearances on Slate’s Mom and Dad are Fighting Podcast My Kid Refuses Therapy. I Think She Needs It   Slates parenting podcast on helping your kid feel better…and feel heard.  July 20,2023Is My Child a Monster?  Slate’s parenting podcast on what we can learn from family therapy. July 24, 2023


    Leslie-ism:   Take the time to learn about therapy so you can recognize a good fit



    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences around holiday issues at Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Commu

    • 25 min
    Salimah Part 4 of 4: When Parenting Feels Relentless

    Salimah Part 4 of 4: When Parenting Feels Relentless

    This week’s episode is our last with single mother of three Salimah. After three sessions focusing on each one of her children, today Leslie turns the attention to Salimah and the many roles that she plays. Let’s face it, being a parent is hard. It’s important for parents to supply themselves with an anti-burnout toolkit while also giving themselves grace. In addition to learning to reduce and prevent burnout, Leslie and Salimah also talk candidly about how to advocate for yourself, how to ask for help, and how to get the support and validation you need from your community (and not just from your kids).


    Time Stamps
    6:47 “Kiss your brain” an expression of compassion when you are trying to be kind to yourself8:50 Parents should give themselves grace13:51 Braided hair analogy: the separate strands represent each child and you are them, woven together17:18 Correcting other people when they get your name wrong - why that can be so hard26:23 Praise vs feedbackTool box for burnout:10:43 Lowering expectations14:45 Get in touch with your values and beliefs21:07 Punctuate your life with pauses and taking breaks25:14 & 30:45 Get someone to acknowledge how hard you work26:56 Give yourself credit for effort28:00 Keep your head down and stay present33:30 & 36:39 Learn to ask for help34:31 Random acts of kindness37:39 When asking for help: How do you make sure you’re not over-asking?38:04 Collect data - get the facts and ask yourself, am I really asking excessively?38:34 Is there any reciprocity? Identify the relationship and ask is what you’re asking for fair from this type of relationship39:12 Give them permission to say “no” when you go for the ask and tell them you have other options40:51 Its ok to talk to strangers

    Links:  
    Newsletter: Punctuate Your LifeNewsletter: How to ask for helpHandout on a practice of Self-Compassion called RAIN by Tara Brach. Video of the Weaving Braid metaphor
    Leslie-ism: Ask for help because you deserve to get it


    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.


    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, , Mia Warren, Camila Salazar and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by AJ Moultrie. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 47 min
    Salimah Part 3 of 4: When Your Happy Kid is Mean to You

    Salimah Part 3 of 4: When Your Happy Kid is Mean to You

    This is part three of the four part series with Salimah, single mother of three. This week, Leslie and Salimah focus on 5 year old Terrel. Terrel is the youngest child and also the only “man of the house.” He is typically a happy go-lucky child. But there are other behaviors that have Salimah confused and frustrated.  He can sometimes say mean things, he can be quick to anger and he is dealing with issues with his bowel movements. These different parts of the same child motivated Salimah to come to this session to understand what is at the root of these behaviors.

    Time Stamps
    2:35 Reviewed homework of validation 5:16 Learning how to read the shoulder shrugs and what they mean7:40 When our children “push our buttons”  which really describe our vulnerabilities8:15 ABC of looking at a child’s behavior: Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence in order to understand problem behavior13:29 Give your child back the actual problem without personalizing their behavior.  14:01 When children say mean things it's often a reflection of how they are doing26:05 Children can have control of their lives in two ways: eating and bowel movements26:50 Control helps the child feel a sense of safety.30:52 Finding other means to find happiness31:30 Dealing with his vulnerabilities of his sad and angry emotions34:09 Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions34:35 Give your child the chance to feel capable and independent36:48 Teach him to be able to handle the fears

    Resources
    An article on Encopresis in childrenLeslie's handout on The Need to Feel CapableLeslie's List of Ideas for Making Kids Feel Capable
    Leslie-ism: Give your child a chance to feel capable

    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 42 min
    Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders

    Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders

    Welcome to part 2 of our 4-part series with Salima, a single mother of three children with very different needs. Last week we discussed her middle child, 7 year old Rene. This week we focus on her oldest, 13 year old Alani. Alani has been getting in trouble at school and uses the “shoulder shrug” to dismiss all of Salimah’s attempts to connect. Tune in to hear Leslie talk Salimah through ways to give your child the time and space to open up to you.
    Time Stamps:
    13:10 and 17:30 Narrate what you are doing so others can learn13:30 Choosing your words more intentionally14:00 Using imagery such as the ring of fire to increase the learning and understanding of a concept or skill.  15:27 Starting with validation before we start problem-solving17:54 When you ask the direct “why” questions, it can be like flashing a flashlight in someone’s eyes. Instead make statements or observations19:30 Shifting  your expectations - short term vs long term parenting20:09 Role play21:33 Getting your reserved or shut down child to engage in conversation.22:51 Say less and give them space23:11 The dominoes metaphor27:20 The 5 communications of the shoulder shrug - it means different things at different times29:31 Parent’s job description - helping a child understand who they are. To know who you are.31:18 The gift of connection - when our children think we know them better than they know themselves34:12 The six levels of validation (show notes link and possible newsletter or sample video)35:57 Validation is in the eye of the beholderResources:
    The 6 levels of validationVideo of the Domino AnalogyHow to guide to validation worksheet Leslie sent Salimah home withFor a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
    Leslie-ism: Turn your challenges into opportunities

    • 40 min
    Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room

    Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room

    This week we meet Salimah, single mother of three wonderful children, 13-year-old Alani, 7-year-old Rene, and 5-year-old Terrel. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, and Leslie’s sessions with Salimah are a perfect example of that. The first of this four-part series focuses on middle child Rene. Salimah needs help figuring out why is Rene destroying her room, and how to handle those big emotions.


    TIME STAMPS
    6:58 The three states of mind- emotion mind, reasonable mind, wise mind
    8:05 The ring of fire as a metaphor when your child is emotionally dysregulated
    12:50 Explaining the difference between a trigger vs prompting event
    Can you identify the five prompting events that set you off to emotion mind15:50 Power of pause - the gift of the pause
    16:55 Re-considering the use of time-out as a form of punishment
    20:40 Create a toolbox of alternatives of how to react when your child has the big emotions; how can you connect and at the same time to give her space 
    Redirect them to do another activity such as go outsideProblem-solving or engaging in conflict resolution with the other personValidate and stop talking. Sometimes talking less is more effective.23:12 Narrate what you are doing and what you are thinking, as both a model and a strategy in difficult times
    25:49 Change your language away from “I’m in combat with my children,” which implies that they are your enemy 
    27:44 Having children put a mirror to us, and show us the ways we need to grow.
    33:00 Rules of the game - share with your children what you are thinking and doing 



    Show Note Links:
    A visual explanation of the three states of mindVideo on three states of mindLeslie’s blog posting explaining the three states of mindLeslie’s newsletter on becoming aware of violent language: Why words matter?Two articles on why time-outs aren’t effective: https://kidcrew.com/why-time-outs-are-not-effectivehttps://childmind.org/article/are-time-outs-harmful-kids/


    For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.


    Leslie-ism:  Keep in mind: your words have power and you can choose what to say.

    Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Mia Warren, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

    • 38 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
43 Ratings

43 Ratings

liz b ct ,

Excellent!

I so appreciate this podcast both as a parent of little ones and a clinician! Such an interesting and informative podcast, episode after episode! Leslie does an excellent job providing valuable information and insights to help parents better understand various parenting challenges. Her style is clear and straightforward, and she is so skilled at sharing her conceptualization in a way that is both validating and linked to concrete strategies to create change!

Boxerdog826 ,

Unique perspective

Thank you for this podcast. It has been helpful to me both as a therapist and as a parent. I appreciate the actual sessions as well as the drop-in episodes with Dale. Thank you to all the parents who have shared their families with us to help us all.

mary viggiano ,

Empowering and insightful-not just for parents with young kids!

I love that the information and strategies are straightforward and compassionate. I have already shared the link with multiple friends. More please!!

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