Three Bean Salad

A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.

Episodes

Giants

March 11, 2025 • 60 mins

Samuel of 84A High Street chooses giants as this week’s topic and no doubt he has his reasons. Should you wish to know those reasons the beans are unable to help but you could always spend the rest of your days ringing on the doorbell of every 84A High Street on Earth until you track down Samuel so you can ask the man himself unless he’s given us a false name or a false address or has moved during your quest or is simply out.

With t...

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Space Travel Tourism

March 4, 2025 • 64 mins

What is your council tax liability if you build a holiday bungalow in outer orbit? How would you recycle all that cosmic glassware? And most importantly, would the lukewarm banter of your favourite podcast freeze in the cold void of space? Callum of Oxsted clearly doesn’t know the answers to any of these questions bless him and so has suggested space travel tourism for the first topic of spring. Take it away, beans!

With thanks to o...

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Anti-episode episode-isode

February 4, 2025 • 13 mins

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March).

But sign up to PATREON for weekly bonus episodes throughout March, ad-free episodes and more: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Ticket links for Henry's work-in-progress shows:

https://www.angelcomedy.co.uk/event-detail/henry-paker-illustratinator-wip-thu-3rd-apr-the-bill-murray-london-tickets-202504031830/

https://museumofcomedy.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/87...

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Fifth Wednesday Advice-cast

January 28, 2025 • 8 mins

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for natural law, magnets and the tides)

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

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D.I.Y.

January 21, 2025 • 62 mins

Steven of Oslo suggests DIY as the topic for this week’s episode so if you’re looking for the audio equivalent of a double-treaded sub-insulated Type D prog-backed 9mm helix arched reverse spiral pentagonal retaining bolt shackle with adjustable nose you’ve come to the right place.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Merch now availabl...

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Guy Fawkes

January 14, 2025 • 61 mins

We will never know if Guy Fawkes’ grim end would have changed had his barrister not gone for the “He only wanted to make the Houses of Parliament lukewarm” defence. Perhaps Mr Fawkes himself would have drawn comfort from the fact that, thanks to Georgia of York, he is now (and for the first time ever presumably) memorialised in podcast form: a medium he could have had no understanding of and likely would have suspected was a concoc...

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Peter Pan

January 7, 2025 • 64 mins

A bean sharp scalpel is applied to a literary classic this week as Robin from Weymouth suggests the topic of Peter Pan. Could we have had Darth Vader without Tinkerbell? Could we have had a robo-handed Luke Skywalker without Captain Hook? Where does Chewbacca fit into all this? Answers on a postcard please.

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

With thanks to our editor Laur...

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The Railway

December 31, 2024 • 53 mins

The railway is this week’s topic thanks to Nick of Kent (which for our international listeners is “The Garden of England” according to Kent. It is also unusual as a county as it categorises each man born in Kent as either a “Kentish Man” or “Man of Kent” depending on which side of the River Medway they were born: a taxonomy which wilfully excludes men who live in Kent but weren’t born there, all women, nonbinary folk, children, etc...

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Ratmas

December 29, 2024 • 63 mins

To date the indisputable peak of human scientific endeavour has been managing to hide a bonus track on a CD. The natural next summit is to hide a bonus door on an advent calendar. Will we see this achieved in our lifetime? Unlikely. Therefore please console yourselves with this bonus episode of Three Bean Salad, not hidden but visible and available to all. This episode is exclusively dedicated to the extraordinary response to the r...

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Hippos

December 24, 2024 • 63 mins

Tis the Yule and Jacob from Manchester very cannily suggests hippos as this week’s topic. In Aesop’s fable, the hippo is humiliated by being left out of any accounts of the Nativity and, according to Hans Christian Andersen, rather than sharing its feelings with its closest friend, the Little Mermaid, retreats to the Nile and dedicates itself to be able to run faster than you’d think it could. Perhaps by honouring the hippo on this...

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Monuments

December 17, 2024 • 61 mins

Annie of Cork City reckons it’s high time the beans talked monuments and who could argue with that? Tune in for a lukewarm take on this zeitgeistiest of topics which incorporates everything from art to politics to nougat.

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

Get in touch: threebeans...

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Interior Design

December 10, 2024 • 59 mins

Most of us can only dream of the splendour of the internal spaces occupied by London’s elite. A lucky few might have a neighbour who’s made it big on the pools, bought one of those glossy magazines with photos of a Londoner in their parlour and invited the whole street round to have a squiz. This week on the Three Bean Salad Podcast, the beans are knocking dreams and glossy magazines into cocked hat as their very own topflight Lond...

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The Netherlands

December 3, 2024 • 70 mins

Steven of Utrecht gets the beans wagging them tongues about the Netherlands to kick the new season off. And why the bloody hell not? After all the beans have all visited that great nation in the past and therefore it’s safe to assume each has taken a deep, deep, deep dive into its history, culture and miscellaneous to the point where an informative yet entertaining conversation will surely be second nature. ¡Feliz cumpleaños!

Join o...

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Un-episode-isode

November 5, 2024 • 17 mins

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December).

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

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Fifth Wednesday Informationcast

October 29, 2024 • 5 mins

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday October and we only do four episodes a month - take it up with our lawyer, Julian Calendar)

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com

Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

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Budget Airlines

October 22, 2024 • 62 mins

Put your seat back into the reclining position (but only if you have the express consent of the person behind you who has also ideally reclined their seat with the express consent of the person behind them ad infinitum etc), shove a lukewarm bean in each ear and enjoy a third bean as a mid-flight snack for only €79.99 for Joe from York has suggested budget airlines as this week’s topic. That may mean BYO sandwich, BYO magazine and ...

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Sharks

October 15, 2024 • 60 mins

Dan from Bremen chooses sharks for this week’s topic as well he might. After all, just as the shark is a perfectly evolved apex predator, so is the bean a perfectly evolved apex legume. No one wants three sharks to team up: that would simply lead to a bloodbath. Three beans on the other hand means a lukewarm banter bath and everyone’s invited (special rubber socks will be supplied for those with untreated athlete’s foot or verrucas...

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The Pyramids

October 8, 2024 • 64 mins

True to form, Tutankhamun from the Nile Delta has selected the pyramids as this week’s topic. Were these structures named after the shape or was it the other way around? Were they meant to be that shape in the first place or did they just run out of bricks? If they’ve REALLY been there for thousands of years how come they aren’t totally covered in graffiti tags and pictures of willies and stuff? For answers to all these questions a...

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Adverts

October 1, 2024 • 60 mins

Adverts: lifeblood of the nation, engine of the economy, coal of the mind. What could be more splendid then than a podcast episode which already contains adverts also being about adverts? Thank you to Andrew from Leeds for feeding this suggestion into the bean machine for a listening experience which flicks a cold, hard finger-swear at the skip-forwards-by-30-seconds button.

Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus ...

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Pasta

September 24, 2024 • 59 mins

It’s drive time on Bean FM and this week the lukewarm hits are in the key of “pasta” thanks to Matt of Bremen! We’ve got all the latest celebrity gossip, updates from Bonjamin’s traffic drone, weather from The Onion Child, something about sport presumably and unlimited adverts!! Call 0800-RIGATONI now with your crazy pasta story and you could win a sieve moulded from the face of Chris Tarrant!!!With thanks to our editor Laura Grims...

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