The Unburdened Leader

Many of us are familiar with the kind of person who easily earns the moniker ‘toxic’ and instills fear, rage, and frustration in those around them.What do you do when you work with a toxic leader?How do you feel when toxic leaders continue to get promoted and receive accolades?And what do you do when others make excuses for these toxic leaders, like saying their skill set or network is too important to the organization and you have to “take the good with the bad?”Toxic leaders and cultures take a toll on you, especially when you have your own relational wounding history. You may try to speak up or feel shut down, but there’s another common theme: How betrayed you feel when your experiences are met with silence, inaction, or retribution.We're at a critical moment regarding leading, accountability, and culture. But one thing that still feels constant is the impact of our history with relational wounding and relational trauma, and how that impacts how, or if, we speak up in the face of injustices from toxic leaders and toxic work culture.Today’s guest wrote a book on the impact of toxic leaders and cultures, including how we often protect toxic leaders at great expense to the staff and the business. As someone who was bullied both as a child and in the workplace, she has some very special insight into this all-too-common experience.Mita Mallick is a corporate change-maker with a track record of transforming businesses. She has had an extensive career as a marketer in the beauty and consumer product goods space, fiercely advocating for the inclusion and representation of Black and Brown communities. Her book, Reimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your Workplace, is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today Best Seller.Listen to the full episode to hear:The practical toll on the business of enabling toxic leaders to continue to manage teamsThe psychological and physical impact of the workplace trauma created by working under toxic leadersHow people end up in environments that recreate the harmful relational patterns of their pastWhy those with more power in the workplace need to speak up on behalf of othersHow executive coaching can be used as a Band-Aid to cover toxic behaviorHow guilt and empathy for the teammates we’d leave behind can keep us stuck in toxic environmentsLearn more about Mita Mallick:Connect with Mita on LinkedInBrown Table Talk PodcastReimagine Inclusion: Debunking 13 Myths to Transform Your WorkplaceLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email.Resources:Glossy: Ambition, Beauty, and the Inside Story of Emily Weiss's Glossier, Marisa MeltzerSia - UnstoppableBreaking Bad

Do you feel frustrated by recurring struggles with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and overwhelm?Behind many of your inner doubts, self-judgements, fears, and insecurities lie echoes from old betrayals or relational hurts.These breaches of trust in important relationships don’t necessarily lose their impact on how you lead and work just because they happened a long time ago.So when you're doing something new or high stakes, or there's an experience in a relationship at work or in your personal life, or you respond to a collective trauma that taps the echoes of your old wound, it can bring up old ways of responding or old patterns that impact how you honor your boundaries and values. And the expectation that you should ‘be over this by now’ when you are human and working with others adds to your stress and frustration.But the reality is that healing from relational wounds and betrayal traumas often comes in stages and seasons, and you may need support along the way.Deran Young is a licensed therapist, New York Times Best-Selling Author, former military mental health officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock. This nonprofit organization mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma.She obtained her social work degree from the University of Texas, where she studied abroad in Ghana, West Africa for two semesters, creating a high school counseling center for under-resourced students. She is a highly sought-after diversity and inclusion consultant working with companies like Facebook, Linked In, Field Trip Health, and YWCA. Deran has become a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.Listen to the full episode to hear:The importance of learning to recognize the cultural and familial legacy burdens that impact usHow shame and an inability to be vulnerable shut down speaking the truth about cultural and personal historiesHow early relational trauma can lead people to feeling out of place, not just at home, but in the world at largeWhy our earliest experiences with our caregivers have such a deep impact on our relationships later in lifeThe lasting impact of the roles we take on as children in dysfunctional families in how we lead ourselves and othersHow cultural expectations and perfectionism can dehumanize mothers and leadersThe potential for psychedelic-assisted therapy to change our relationships with our burdensLearn more about Deran Young:Black Therapists RockInstagram: @blacktherapistsrockTikTok: @blacktherapistsrockBlack Therapists Rock Facebook GroupFollow Deran on FacebookLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional FamiliesThe Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, Harvey KarpThe Gifts of Imperfection, Brené BrownDaring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené BrownRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyEP 73: The Potential of Psychedelics to Help and Heal with Victor CabralWhole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life, Jill Bolte TaylorBeyoncé - COZYElemental

Have you ever done something steadily, week in and week out, for a period of time?What did you learn about yourself and the world around you in the process? Was there anything that came up that surprised you?Putting in consistent reps and hundreds of hours towards something inevitably shapes and changes you, and producing this show has been no different for me.Today I’m celebrating the 100th episode of The Unburdened Leader by sharing some behind-the-scenes stories, learnings, and reflections from starting a podcast in a pandemic to the pillars and themes of the show that have stood out over time.Listen to the full episode to hear:How unburdened leaders shape healing and growth through vulnerability and a willingness to be uncomfortableHow wrestling with perfectionism in the beginning has eased into taking actual pleasure in the process of working on the showThe positive impact of finding certainty anchors in the rhythms of productionHow good questions beget good questions, and how that guides who I want to have on the showLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Yellow House MediaInternal Family SystemsGlass Onion

Have you ended a relationship to get relief from tension and conflict?Do you struggle with developing a clear sense of boundaries around what’s your responsibility and what’s not, especially when feeling responsible for how others think and feel? When relationships are toxic, abusive, and oppressive and the other person does not have the interest or capacity to work on the relationship, ending the relationship can bring grief but also relief, emotional healing, and health.But when you regularly use emotional cutoffs to protect yourself from hurt and discomfort, you create a world that feels dangerous and small when the slightest sense of conflict or overwhelm arises. But if two people can come together with clear boundaries, shared values, compassion, curiosity, humility, and support to work through conflict and disagreement, an emotional cut-off may become unnecessary.My guest today returns to the podcast to share his experience of an incident that could have ended his relationship with his father, and how they both committed to working through the conflict to maintain their connection, even through their differences.Jonathan Merritt is a prolific and trusted writer on faith, culture, and politics whose articles have appeared regularly in outlets such as The Atlantic, The New York Times, USA Today, Christianity Today, and The Washington Post. He is the author of numerous critically acclaimed books, including Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words are Vanishing and How We Can Revive Them, which was named Book of the Year by Englewood Review of Books. He is also author of the forthcoming children’s book, My Guncle and Me, releasing in May 2024. Jonathan has become a popular speaker at conferences, colleges, and churches and guest commentary on CNN, Fox News, CNN, NPR, PBS, and ABC World News. He holds graduate degrees from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Emory University's Candler School of Theology.Listen to the full episode to hear:How being publicly outed forced Jonathan into a reckoning with his faith, his identity, and his family and communityThe role that dreams and expectations play in the way both parents and children respond to fundamental differences between themWhy an expectation of change cannot be a prerequisite for a relationshipWhy Jonathan says he and his father fight with each other in private and for each other in publicWhy finding healthy surrogates or outlets for processing is vital for healing when we truly can’t continue the relationshipNavigating past avoidance and confrontation to renegotiating the relationship with necessary boundaries and guardrailsHow “flash-card faith” stifles the questioning and openness to possibilities that underpin trust and faith and breeds binary divisivenessLearn more about Jonathan Merritt:WebsiteFacebook: @JonathanMerrittWriterInstagram: @jonathan_merrittTwitter: @JonathanMerrittLearning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing–and How We Can Revive ThemPreorder My Guncle and MeLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Bowen Family SystemsFaith does not live by answers alone, Jonathan MerrittThe Artist's Way, Julia CameronWrite for Life: Creative Tools for Every Writer, Julia CameronMother, Nature: A 5,000-Mile Journey to Discover If a Mother and Son Can Survive Their Differences, Jedidiah JenkinsDarlin' (Christmas is Coming), Over the RhineIf We Make It Through December, Phoebe BridgersIf We Make It Through December, Merle HaggardJulia

What is your relationship with conflict and disagreement?Do you see conflict as bad or dangerous or simply a natural part of relationships and being in a group or on a team?What helps you move through conflict and differences of opinion when things are heavy and charged? Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you try to be a peacemaker and help everyone feel heard? Or do you dive right into the arena and take a stand for what you believe? You probably vacillate between all of these depending on the topic, the people you are around, how you experienced conflict growing up, and the combination of your unique personality, temperament, gender, race, class, etc.Today’s guest shares a framework that offers a way to contain our overwhelm into some actionable practices that can help you connect to your purpose and your values while navigating the discomfort of disagreement, high-stakes decisions, and deep exhaustion.Deepa Iyer is a South Asian American writer, strategist, and lawyer. Deepa leads projects on solidarity and social movements at the Building Movement Project, a national nonprofit organization. She conducts workshops and trainings, uplifts narratives through the Solidarity Is This podcast, and facilitates solidarity strategy for cohorts and networks.Deepa’s first book, We Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial Future, chronicles community-based histories in the wake of 9/11 and received a 2016 American Book Award. Deepa’s most recent book, a guide based on the social change ecosystem map that she created, is called Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection.Listen to the full episode to hear:The three main components of an ecosystem-based approach to social changeHow an ecosystem creates a container where we can have uncomfortable conversations around our valuesWhy a clash in values isn’t an indicator of an unhealthy ecosystemHow ecosystems for social justice allow us to play to our strengths even in urgent times sustainablyQuestions to ask and red flags of an unhealthy ecosystemWhy finding joy in the midst of heartbreak is essential to sustainable movementsWhy it’s key to consider who holds power inside and outside an ecosystem when calling out bad behavior or policyLearn more about Deepa Iyer:WebsiteSolidarity Is This PodcastWe Too Sing America: South Asian, Arab, Muslim, and Sikh Immigrants Shape Our Multiracial FutureSocial Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and ConnectionInstagram: @deepaviyerX: @dviyerLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:(Un)known Project TrailSolidarity Is This: Truth Telling From The Banks of the Ohio River with Hannah Drake and Josh MillerMeena AlexanderHonor, Thrity UmrigarThe Hundred Years' War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017, Rashid KhalidiThe Mountain Goats - This YearBorgenThe Outsiders, S.E. HintonNothing Gold Can Stay, Robert FrostThe Social Change MapBuilding Movement Project

Do you find yourself in a constant state of proving? Proving that you are a good enough leader, parent, partner, fill in the blank? Do you know what drives your need to prove to others and yourself? When does the need to prove you are good enough and worthy enough show up the most? At work, in your relationships with others, or maybe in your relationship with yourself?When you fall into a constant state of proving your worthiness and value, your unaddressed relational wounds fuel an excessive need for validation and recognition from those around you that exhausts and leaves you in an excessive loop of hustling, anxiety, and doubt. But when you commit to doing the work to understand your underlying motivations to constantly prove yourself, you can release these burdens and develop a more secure, confident approach to leadership, relationships, and conflict resolution in all areas of your life.Arielle ​Estoria (she/her) is a poet, author, actor, and model. Her motto, "Words not for the ears but for the soul" stems from her dedication to remind anyone who encounters her work that words are meant to be felt and experienced not just heard, with a specific heart in empowering, encouraging and making space for audiences of women to feel free and at home in their own bodies.Arielle has shared her work through custom spoken word pieces, workshops and themed keynote talks with companies such as Google, Sofar Sounds, Lululemon, Dressember, Tedx, the SKIMS campaign by Kim Kardashian and more. She has consecutively emceed annual conferences and has led various writing, embodiment and self-acceptance workshops in various settings ranging from students to professional development spaces.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Arielle has worked to cut ties with people pleasing and learned not to constantly explain herselfHow Arielle defines “secure proving” versus “insecure proving” in her lifeHow we can try so hard to prove ourselves that we forget the self we’re trying to proveBalancing performance and authenticity online, and how social media makes it hard to show up as your full selfHow Arielle defines success for herself, outside of the linear path through life that she was taughtLearn more about Arielle Estoria:WebsiteInstagram: @arielleestoriaVagabonds and ZealotsWrite Bloody, Spill PrettyThe UnfoldingLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Thicker Than Water: A Memoir, Kerry WashingtonCleo WadeSula, Toni MorrisonJamila WoodsMaddie ZahmReservation DogsOnly Murders in the Building

What is your relationship with your anger? How much of your stress and exhaustion is fueled by repressed anger and rage? And how do you respond when those around you express anger?Our experiences early in life, experiences at our places of work and education, and our conditioning from culture all play significant roles in how we view and respond to anger and rage within and around us. And for women–especially Black and brown women–we learn our anger and rage come off as unbecoming and distancing, which can be the death of a promotion, a deal, or financial advancement.Many experience firsthand the negative impact of expressing our anger, which can bring about a dangerous backlash that can impact not only our well-being but also our safety. But when we shift the focus from seeing anger solely as dangerous or something to be feared and instead befriend and learn from it, so much changes in how we lead and do life.Today’s guest wrote a beautifully written and well-cited book documenting the impact of suppressed rage in women on themselves and those around them. Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and Co-Founder of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project, and also the author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR.  Listen to the full episode to hear:How suppressing anger harms more than just the individualHow rage is justified and tolerated differently for men and womenHow niceness and a focus on the feelings of others is socialized into girls from an early ageThe anger that hides underneath stress, disappointment, and other ways women minimize their angerThe long-term impacts and risks of suppressed anger on physical and mental healthLearn more about Soraya Chemaly:WebsiteInstagram: @sorayachemaly​​Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's AngerLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Braving the Wilderness, Brené BrownReproduction, Louisa HallDo You Know Me By Heart, Cameron AveryJames Blake - Say What You WillImogen Heap - Hide And Seek

When you experience injustice, how do you respond? Do you immediately speak up and fight back?Maybe you get introspective and go deep into reflection, weighing out different options and scenarios before deciding how or whether to take action. Or do you suppress your authentic emotions and maintain a facade until you have figured out your next move?Many factors inform how you respond to threats and injustice–your values, life experiences, personality and temperament, identities, and privileges–to name just a few.Today’s guest moved me profoundly with his responses in the days, weeks, and months following the January 6th insurrection in the face of many critics, threats, and risks. Not speaking up would have felt inauthentic for him, leaving him feeling out of alignment.New York Times best selling author, Harry Dunn,served in the United States Capitol Police from 2008 to 2023. He has been on duty for presidential inaugurations, joint sessions of Congress, State of the Union addresses as well as hundreds of peaceful protests and demonstrations.For his role defending the Capitol on January 6, 2021, Dunn received the Presidential Citizens Medal, the Congressional Gold Medal, the Capitol Police Service Medal, the Capitol Police Achievement Medal, the Gus Heningburg Award from the African American Chamber of Commerce in New Jersey, and the Concerned Black Men Award. He has been outspoken about his experience, testifying in congressional hearings and speaking in the media about the violence he experienced that day and its aftermath.His memoir, Standing My Ground: A Capitol Officer’s Fight for Accountability and Good Trouble After January 6th provides a firsthand account of what happened that day and the ramifications it has on our political and legal systems, democracy, communities, and individuals. Listen to the full episode to hear:How Officer Dunn knew he needed to move from isolated and processing the events to speaking outHow Officer Dunn has navigated using his anger a purposeful forceThe fine balancing act of speaking as a citizen versus as a Capitol Police officer as he took his story publicHow speaking out and testifying at trials and in front of Congress was both a painful and ultimately healing experienceThe values and faith in democracy that keep Officer Dunn going back to work at the CapitolLearn more about Office Harry Dunn:Twitter: @libradunnStanding My Ground: A Capitol Police Officer's Fight for Accountability and Good Trouble After January 6thLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Michael Jackson - We're Almost ThereSaturday Night LiveBlack Panther: Wakanda Forever

What worked for you in 2023? What did not work this year? What data did you collect about yourself, your work, and your relationships? What do you want to take into 2024, and what do you want to leave behind? Yes, it’s that time of year when I share one of my favorite and most fruitful practices of looking back and looking forward - my annual debrief.  My debrief practice teaches me the power of pausing, reflecting  - especially on my words of the year, and honoring lessons learned, victories achieved, and wounds that need care so I can look forward more clearly and confidently. And this year taught me a lot. Listen to the full episode to hear:How focusing on space and pace challenged my tendency to associate my identity with what I doThe challenges that came up as I really forced myself to slow down and reflect on what I want life to look like in an upcoming season of transitionExperiences this year that were fun, healing, and joyfulThe practices and supports I’m carrying forward into 2024What aspects of Space and Pace are bearing fruit as 2023 comes to a close and what I’m focusing on for 2024Learn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:How I've Changed My Thinking About Burnout, Anne Helen PetersenOn the life that wants to live in you., Laura McKowenParker PalmerStephen CoveyConspiritualityMaintenance PhaseWhy Is This Happening? with Rachel Maddow​​Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism, Rachel MaddowFriendsNyadAre You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Sitting in Bars with Cake AirCocaine BearYou Are So Not Invited to My Bat MitzvahBoston StranglerOld Dads BarbieGuardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3Ant-Man and the Wasp: QuantumaniaThe FlashIndiana Jones and the Dial of DestinyFinding YouSomebody I Used to KnowFleishman Is in TroubleBased on a True StoryThe PowerDeadlochThe DiplomatWednesdayShiny Happy People: Duggar Family SecretsThe Murdaugh MurdersThe Last of UsCase HistoriesThe TowerClass of '07Jury DutyHuntersYouPainkillerDaisy Jones & The SixBosch: LegacyOnly Murders in the BuildingLessons in ChemistryThe Morning ShowShrinkingThe Lincoln LawyerBodiesQueen Charlotte: A Bridgerton StoryThe Mother

As you approach the new year, do you focus on results-oriented New Year’s resolutions, or do you prefer to set broader intentions for the year?In a time where we are overbooked, over-committed, and weighed down by all that is going on in the world, messages promising the results we crave can make us vulnerable to feeling like we are doing something wrong for feeling out of sorts because we do not do life in a prescribed manner.So many offerings are a recipe for failing in our hopes for end-of-the-year plans.Yet, finding a focused practice for examining how you manage your time and make decisions that align with your values and how you live and experience life can delight you while bringing you clarity in a chaotic world.Ali Edwards is the founder and CEO of Ali Edwards Designs. Her passion resides in that very special place where the stories and images of life intersect. Her work includes writing, photography, teaching and memory keeping product design.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Ali’s background in graphic design influenced the visual storytelling of memory keepingWhy Ali is drawn to the everyday stories and not just big milestone momentsHow Ali decides what to share publicly and what to keep privateHow Ali handles consent in documenting the lives of her kids and familyHow the shift from blogging to social media has shaped what and how Ali shares from her lifeWhy Ali chooses a word to guide her year How Ali stays grounded while “taking the temperature” of those around herLearn more about Ali Edwards:WebsiteInstagram: @aliedwardsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents,Lisa DamourRemarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van PeltDavid Kushner - DaylightThe BearJury Duty The GooniesSixteen Candles

Have you ever felt like what you are known for does not fit you anymore? Or maybe you feel like it is time to change your professional focus, but you question whether you have the credentials or whether people will take seriously the shifts you want to make.So many of us experience angst when we want to change things up in our work and life.We change as we move through life. Change is part of our developmental life cycle. And when we change, our work and the businesses we run also change as a result.But there is immense pressure to stay on a linear path in our careers and businesses that just doesn’t match up with the fact of our dynamic and ever-changing lives. And our mental wellbeing suffers from the lack of understanding of how we grow and change personally, which in turn impacts how we lead ourselves, others, and our businesses.We need to normalize and create better supports for these inevitable seasons of growth and the grief and vulnerability that come with them.Today’s guest is a longtime friend and colleague who recently announced that she had shut down her business so that she could shift her focus away from what she had been known for her entire career to something new.Brigitte Lyons founded Podcast Ally, the agency where she spent her days focusing on the strategic direction of the company, clearing the way for a fully remote team to the deep work that drove the business forward. Brigitte recently announced that she shut down her company, and at the time of recording, reached an agreement to sell the brand and IP she built at Podcast Ally. She has an extensive background in public relations, working in agencies and also running her own PR business.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why Brigitte worked through the impulse to burn it all down and gave herself space to fully consider closing her businessHow Brigitte realized that she loved her business and her team, but could take or leave the workHow Brigitte came to the realization that her company no longer fit her priorities and lifestyleWhy it was important to Brigitte to be transparent with her employees as she was deciding the future of the companyHow Brigitte built a team that stuck with her through the process of deciding to closeWhy it’s important to understand the distinction between what you’re passionate about and what you’re good atLearn more about Brigitte Lyons:Connect with Brigitte on LinkedInLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Erik EriksonDare to Lead - Brené BrownEP 85: Team Habits: Redefining Workplace Dynamics with Charlie GilkeyTomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, Gabrielle ZevinJanelle Monáe, Jidenna - Yoga BarbieStar Wars

What is your relationship with money?Do you have a healthy or neutral relationship with money? Or do you fall into the common extremes of worrying about it, constantly thinking about acquiring more money, or avoiding knowing what is happening with your finances or checking out on your responsibilities around money? And what is your relationship with giving away your money? Is it part of a spiritual practice, a tax write-off, or an extension of your values? We learn early how wealth can impact our future trajectory, well-being, and ability to earn and save it. And there are constant opportunities to donate our money–to charities, to politics, to nonprofits, to do something good and get a tax write-off. It feels good to feel like we’re doing something to help.But we also don’t have to look far to find critiques of social programs supporting those who lack essential resources or critiques of the many tax loopholes the wealthiest in our country benefit from, especially when it comes to philanthropic giving. Today’s guest helps connect the dots on how our relationships with money and the industry of philanthropy needs to change.Edgar Villanueva is an award-winning author, activist, and expert on race, wealth, and philanthropy issues. Villanueva is the Principal of the Decolonizing Wealth Project and Liberated Capital and the author of the bestselling book Decolonizing Wealth (2018, 2021). He advises various organizations, including national and global philanthropies, Fortune 500 companies, and entertainment, on social impact strategies to advance racial equity from within and through their investment strategies. Villanueva holds a BSPH and MHA from the Gillings Global School of Public Health at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He is an enrolled member of the Lumbee Tribe and resides in New York City.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why we need to recognize that colonialism–past and present–is systemic in our social and political institutionsHow to begin healing from an extractive and exploitative definition of money to a version that honors what we valueWhy acknowledgment and grief need to happen before we jump to take actionHow to enter a process of decolonization without appropriation or getting bogged down in guiltThe profound impacts of colonialism on philanthropy and charity in concept and practice in the United StatesHow we can begin to invest differently in charitable giving to make real impactsLearn more about Edgar Villaneuva:Decolonizing Wealth ProjectDecolonizing Wealth, Second Edition: Indigenous Wisdom to Heal Divides and Restore BalanceLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Money as MedicineSand Talk: How Indigenous Thinking Can Save the World, Tyson YunkaportaBeyoncé - BREAK MY SOULReservation DogsDirty Dancing

When you see a need, what do you do? Do you jump in and try to solve the problem? Or do you think about it for a while and workshop all the options and scenarios in your head before deciding whether to take action or not? Both ways can be valid, needed, and valuable. And both have their pitfalls. When we jump in to solve a need or problem, we can end up on a path to a crash course in humble pie and hard learnings on the go that can often do harm to others. Yet thoughtful consideration can often lead to failing to take action and falling into complacency. Or even worse, you tap out all together because you feel like your voice, your vote, your time, or your resources will not make a difference.But we can’t stop caring or tap out. The stakes are too high.My guest today challenges this complacency–especially right now when so much is at stake here in the United States. She built an organization that has room for all levels of involvement no matter your resources and your capacity.Shannon Watts is widely known as a “summoner of women’s audacity.” As the Founder of Moms Demand Action, Watts was named one of Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People, a Forbes 50 over 50 Changemaker, and a Glamour Woman of the Year. She is the author of Fight Like a Mother: How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Shannon transmuted her fear into anger and action in the aftermath of Sandy HookFacing the reality that none of us are safe until all of us are safe and how it impacts activismWhy cultivating joy and celebrating successes is integral to sustaining movementsHow the concept of losing forward helps activists play the long game How Shannon has navigated burnout and managing the needs of her family against her activismWhy Shannon passed the leadership baton for Moms Demand Action after 10 yearsThe role of privilege in being an activist and how white women can do betterLearn more about Shannon Watts:WebsiteSubstackMoms Demand Action Text READY to 64433 to get in touch with a volunteerInstagram: @shannonrwattsFight Like a MotherLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:EP 63: How Choosing Nice Can Lead to More Harm with Jenny Booth PotterEP 88: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowPooja LakshminJessica ValentiMaria ShriverPaul Russell - Lil Boo ThangThe BearReservation DogsFootlooseEverytown

When people talk about gender bias and sexism, what comes to mind? Are you clear about when gender bias happens to you and around you? Or does it feel so common it’s hard to discern?The mixed messages about how to respond to gender bias and sexism keep us flailing, even when there are efforts to make meaningful change. We need to make these changes at all levels of leadership and as long the burden to make the changes continues to be on those who have been harmed, nothing will change.When we gather collectively, we are a force. And yet, internalized misogyny gets in the way. Until we see how gender bias impacts us all, we will continue to turn on each other, whether directly or by supporting those with counter interests to our own.Today’s guest offers us language and a framework to help address gender bias through tangible practices and language to help us understand the many nuances and complexities around identifying gender bias–in ourselves and others–and how we can make actionable change.Amy Diehl, PhD, is an award-winning information technology leader, currently serving as Chief Information Officer at Wilson College in Pennsylvania and is a gender equity researcher and author of the new book Glass Walls: Shattering the Six Gender Bias Barriers Still Holding Women Back at Work. She has also written numerous scholarly journal articles and book chapters. Her writing has appeared in Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Ms. Magazine. She is also a sought-after speaker, consultant, and lawsuit expert witness.Listen to the full episode to hear:Defining gender bias and the six primary barriers that impact women in the workplace, regardless of industryHow researching gender bias in the workplace has helped Amy make sense of her own experiencesHow gender bias impacts all women, even if they don’t recognize it as suchHow the sub-barriers of acquiescence cause women to individualize systemic problemsWhy leaders need to take responsibility for the cultural norms in their work environmentsTwo kinds of hostility that women enact towards each other What a truly supportive and inclusive workplace could look likeLearn more about Amy Diehl, PhD:WebsiteTwitter: @amydiehlInstagram: @amydiehlphdConnect with Amy on LinkedInGlass Walls: Shattering the Six Gender Bias Barriers Still Holding Women Back at WorkLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up, Tiffany BluhmGood for a Girl: A Woman Running in a Man's World, Lauren FleshmanChoosing to Run,Des Linden and Bonnie D. FordThe Longest Race: Inside the Secret World of Abuse, Doping, and Deception on Nike's Elite Running Team, Kara Goucher and Mary PilonDirty Dancing

Would you call yourself a powerful person? Do you trust yourself with power? Does owning your power feel a bit like holding a hot potato?The many ways we learn about power–often by having it taken away from us, seeing it taken away from others, or seeing people go to great lengths to take and keep power, no matter the cost or casualties–understandably influence our understanding of power for the worse. We have benefitted from many pioneering scholars and social justice leaders who deeply embraced their personal power in the face of systemic abuses. These leaders saw personal power as a birthright and generative, not as something to fear.Owning your power can feel liberating. It’s liberating to no longer live from a burdened sense that we are flawed for doubting ourselves or that we are in deficit because we feel shut down and stuck in our pain and the pain around us..Today’s guest has a lens on power that runs contrary to what many of us have been taught about. She believes that personal power is not something to gain but something you already have and intrinsic to who you are. She sees power itself as neutral. Dr. Cedar Barstow has a long-time devotion to helping people own and use their power wisely and well.  Her book, Right Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics and engaging courses are offered through the Right Use of Power Institute.  In addition to being founder of Right Use of Power Institute, Cedar's background includes being a Hakomi Mindful Somatic Therapy trainer and therapist, and an ethics consultant.  She lives with her husband, Dr. Reynold Feldman, in Boulder, Colorado.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why leaders need understand the overlap of ethics and powerBreaking down the definitions of power and ethics and how they impact our relationshipsWhy Dr. Barstow believes we need to focus on our own personal powerThe potential consequences of trying too hard to flatten role power and why we need to reconsider hierarchy as a neutral toolThe impacts of status, collective, and systemic powerWhat the 150% principle teaches us about managing conflicts and grievancesHow the spiral down process can help us productively reflect on conflict Learn more about Dr. Cedar Barstow:Right Use of Power InstituteRight Use of Power: The Heart of Ethics: A Guide and Resource for Professional RelationshipsLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Confidence Culture, Shani Orgad and Rosalind GillSee No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love Valarie KaurEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsThe Covenant of Water, Abraham VergheseTransatlanticAre You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

Do you know if you have ever been a part of a cultish or high-demand community? Do you know what qualities to look for in a high-demand community?High-demand communities may bring images of cults with extreme behaviors, demands, and rituals to your mind. But when you examine the communities you love, some fall on the spectrum of cultish or high-demand communities. Cultish and high-demand communities fall on a spectrum, and not everyone associated with a group or organization with those tendencies necessarily falls into the trance of these spaces–but many of us do–often without noticing. Today’s guest got me thinking more about the high-demand or cultish communities we choose. His most recent book was inspired by his experience watching the January 6th insurrection on TV and wondering if he had not left his high-demand faith community, would he have been at the US Capitol with many who showed up that day, including some from his former community.Bradley Onishi is a social commentator, scholar, writer, teacher, coach, and co-host of the Straight White American Jesus (SWAJ) podcast. In everything he does, Bradley seeks to make the strange familiar and the familiar strange by providing insight into life’s most fundamental questions. He often speaks about topics related to the radical conservatism and extremist religions that shape our world, some of it right in our own neighborhoods. He is the author of Preparing for War: The Extremist History of White Christian Nationalism – And What Comes Next.Listen to the full episode to hear:Defining white Christian nationalism and why it’s key to understand the role of whiteness in its ideologyHow nostalgia is manufactured and co-opted to sell a mythology of what America was and could be againHow Christian nationalism is more mainstream than we want to believeWhy we need to keep talking about January 6How authoritarianism makes itself appealing in times of anxiety and fearThe rise of purity culture and how it is fundamentally tied to white Christian nationalismLearn more about Bradley Onishi:WebsiteStraight White American Jesus PodcastInstagram: @straightwhitejcPreparing for War: The Extremist History of White Christian Nationalism--And What Comes NextLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, Amanda MontellPure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free, Linda Kay KleinEvangelical Christian Women: War Stories in the Gender Battles, Julie IngersollSara MoslenerMiddlesex, Jeffrey EugenidesHitler's American Model: The United States and the Making of Nazi Race Law, James Q WhitmanInspector Maigret Omnibus: Volume 1: Pietr the Latvian; The Hanged Man of Saint-Pholien; The Carter of 'la Providence', Georges SimenonTed LassoSuccessionBack to the FutureThe Karate Kid

Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not. While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection. And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead. Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported–you can see how bereavement by suicide fits one of the most common causes of disenfranchised grief. When people who have lost someone to suicide feel like they cannot talk about their loss without judgment or criticism, disenfranchised grief festers. It can lead to complicated grief, where our recovery and healing become persistent and debilitating to basic day-to-day functioning over a long period of time.The deep discomfort, shame, and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult to discuss, so that when you experience bereavement by suicide, you often feel isolated at a time when you carry deep hurt. On today’s show, you will hear from someone I have known for over two decades who has consistently and steadfastly led with transparency and authenticity no matter what showed up in her life. Kathy Escobar is co-founder of The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration and #communityheals: Making Spaces for Transformation Accessible for All, non-profits in North Denver, CO. She's a pastor, writer, spiritual director, podcaster, and advocate and author of several books, including Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World and Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything you Believe is Coming Apart. Content note: Extensive discussion of grief and suicide. Please take care of yourself as you listen.Listen to the full episode to hear:How speaking the truth about her son’s death became part of how Kathy and her family survived itWhy it’s so problematic that we create a split within ourselves as we experience griefWhat’s really at stake when grief remains submergedHow shame shows up with grief, especially in bereavement by suicideWhy Kathy says there’s not getting through grief, only learning to live with the rhythms of itWhy we need to get comfortable with the paradoxes of living with griefHow Kathy reconciles realism with hopeLearn more about Kathy Escobar:WebsiteFacebook: @kathyescobarauthorInstagram: @kathyescobarpublicTwitter: @kathyescobarLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living, Hillary L. McBride

Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work.  We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups. They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed. So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, harmful experiences working in teams. Whether it’s a team member that drags everyone down without support or burdened systems, rules, and bureaucracies that stifle creativity and energy, the words “group project” bring up a lot of feelings.What comes up when you think about your group or team experiences? And when preparing to join or lead a group or a team, what fears or concerns go through your mind?Today, I’m excited to welcome back Charlie Gilkey to discuss his new book, Team Habits. He addresses many of the pain points and fears many of us hold when it comes to working in teams with actionable ways to make meaningful change in our team habits.Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing and The Small Business Lifecycle, and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.Listen to the full episode to hear:How attachment to titles and structures makes us feel like we don’t have agency in our teams at workHow work is inherently relational and why it matters how we show up for each otherWhy efforts to democratize corporate structures have to consider the emotional and social components of decision-makingHow solid team habits protect against one person dragging down the groupThe difference between the values on the floor and the values on the wall, and why we need to bring them togetherHow small, mundane changes make significant impact to your team culture over timeWhy we need to be able to show up as our full selves in our teamsLearn more about Charlie Gilkey:Better Team HabitsProductive FlourishingTwitter: @CharlieGilkeyInstagram: @productiveflourishingFacebook: @ProductiveFlourishingConnect with Charlie on LinkedInLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, Leidy KlotzManagement by objectives

When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice? Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms? What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined.It is moments like these that can often help us break free from the machine of proving, striving, and grinding and actually reconnect to who we truly are and what we really want to contribute with our lives.  Of course it’s true that setbacks in our professional plans can be costly, painful, and downright scary. Some of the pain of setbacks can take a toll on our confidence and well-being and finances. But the time between paths, as we hop off the hamster wheels of shoulds to figure out who we are and what we want to do, isn’t wasted.Today’s guest has moved through deep disappointment when the job she had been working towards suddenly fell through. And she has also co-founded a female-led tech business with a commitment to mental well-being with her staff by cultivating an environment where everyone feels valued, heard, and motivated to contribute their unique skills and perspectives. Martha Bitar is the CEO of Flodesk, a visually stunning and user-friendly platform that helps creators sell online and design emails people love to get. Martha is known for her passion for people, design, and helping small business owners succeed.Listen to the full episode to hear:How Martha conflated her worthiness with professional accomplishment, and the moment she finally paused to ask herself what she really wantedHow reconnecting with her body and her physical reactions helped steer Martha towards work that actually excited herWhy Martha is so passionate about helping small businesses make the most of email marketingThe values that Martha and her co-founder deliberately infused into Flodesk from the beginningWhy Martha says that Flodesk does not have a culture and how it impacts their hiring practicesHow Flodesk strives to support the true wellbeing of their team membersLearn more about Martha Bitar:FlodeskInstagram: @flodeskLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:The Baddies, Julia Donaldson and Axel SchefflerForrest Gump

Do you have a relationship with play?Do you integrate time to play into your life around work and rest?Or does play feel elusive or like a luxury?If it does, you’re not alone.So many of us are weary and weighed down, trying to stay afloat while keeping up with life, work, and being engaged citizens. And we live in a culture that continues to prioritize work and productivity over play and rest.But building a relationship with play can be an antidote to toxic hustle productivity. And play can help quiet the noise in our minds and temporarily distract us from our burdens, leaving us in a better place to come back and tackle them.Today, I’m so excited to dig into the benefits of play with Gary Ware.Gary Ware, the Founder of Breakthrough Play, is a corporate facilitator, keynote speaker,certified coach, and author of the book Playful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of Play. Gary has over 14 years of experience in the corporate world holding various leadership positions. Gary also comes with nearly a decade of experience as a performer in improv theater.After experiencing burnout in his pursuit for success and happiness, he realized that what was missing was play. Committing to a life of play is what led Gary to discover his passion for facilitating. Gary uses the power of applied improvisation and other playful methods to assist people in unlocking creativity, confidence, and better communication. Gary was recently featured as one of the Top 100 HR influencers of 2021 by the Engagedly HR software platform. When Gary isn't leading workshops or speaking, you can find him learning magic or off on an adventure with his wife Courtney and sons Garrett and Cameron.Listen to the full episode to hear:Why Gary defines play as an accelerantHow we become play-deprived and how that contributes to burnoutWhy adults need to reclaim play and rebel against productivity cultureTips for bringing play into your work life and enlivening meetingsWhy play needs to be an invitation and you can’t just book a ropes course Three major barriers to play and their antidotesHow to find micro moments of play and rest in your dayLearn more about Gary Ware:Breakthrough PlayInstagram: @garyware Connect with Gary on LinkedInPlayful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of PlayLearn more about Rebecca:rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader EmailResources:Hilton CarterPlay: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Stuart Brown7 Gems Of Intercultural Creativity, Genein LetfordTed LassoReal Genius